Missing Myrtice

I just got off the phone with my mom... thank goodness for the phone, because it is still hard, even after almost 6 years, to live 2000+ miles away from her. So we got to talking about trying to "dig out" from a funk. That's how I feel. Since moving to Rockford, I think I've been in and out of a big funk.

Myrtice's death this last week was bad... and in a way good... for my funk. She was one of the first friends that I made here... a big reason that I came home from work during those first weeks and said "yeah, I like this job." And then she got sick... and now she is gone. It is hard knowing that she will never sit across our partners' desk from me again... knowing that we won't laugh about some wacky thing that someone just said or did. She and I had the same sense of humor... or sense of irony, maybe. It can be hard to find that. I know she was a good friend to so many... and I feel so lucky to have known her, even for such a short time.

So how was this horrible death good for my funk? I think it has made me believe the old cliche that life really is a gift. And I need to stop taking advantage of that gift. I need to dig myself out of this funk so I can really live... to be a good wife and mother and friend and employee. So starts my "new beginning", or my search for "clarity". That feels like the right way to label it. I really need to find who "Jenny" really is and where she needs to be going in this life. It'll come... I have faith.