"Say what you need to say"

I heard this new John Mayer song in the car on my way home today... wow, what timing.

Yesterday, I came home from work in quite a lather after having found out that the management group had met without me last week (I was out sick) and discussed the our website (which supposedly I was hired to redesign and which I have been working on, without a whole lot of input from anyone). So they went and FINALLY made a bunch of decisions about what design elements they like in a bunch of other websites and ones that they don't like. Fine, great. The bad part? They also decided to HIRE A PROFESSIONAL to take all of their ideas and do the overall design. I was SPITTING mad. This was a big reason that this job was attractive to me and why I thought I could handle uprooting my family and making this big change. I CAN design a whole website and I had every intention of doing it. And I am totally open to their input... I have no idea why they would think I wouldn't take it well (that reasoning was hinted at by the co-worker who told me what had happened in the meeting). Oh, yeah, and my boss had completely blown me off when I asked her to let me know what had happened in the meeting. "I'm REALLY busy today... maybe tomorrow... or after that sometime..." GRRRRRRRRRRR!

Ok, so I got home, flaming mad, told Jim that I was quitting (he almost fell over). When I got myself calmed down a little, I sat down and typed out an e-mail to my boss. I NEEDED to get those thoughts and feelings off my chest and I wasn't going to sit back and be walked all over. So I told her that I was angry and hurt and that I thought their decision would be a waste of money and that I felt like she was punishing me for the attendance problem that I've had because of excess illness in the fall and winter. Jim read it over and suggested that I sleep on it... but I needed to send it, and I did! Of course, she wasn't at work today (all day meeting) and apparently hasn't checked her e-mail from home, so I have no idea about her reaction. But as I was thinking nervously all day about how she might react, this song came on the radio and it helped me to know that I did the right thing...

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You’d better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say

And I did... I said what I needed to say and she's just going to have to deal with it. And we'll see what happens. And I think I am going to learn, from her reaction, if I really am in the right place for me or not. And if I'm not, I'm going to make a change!!


Shanti... Shanti.... Shanti... Ohhmmmmmmmm