Spring Is Coming!

This morning we have our first rain of the year. There is something about the sound of the drops on the roof and skylights that I just love. And the thought of the world being washed clean...

So I haven't posted a blog entry in almost two years! Yikes! Too much to write about in one blog, really... but maybe as a "new beginning" I will let my mind flow over the general ideas of these last two years.

I have experienced lots of changes in those two years. I just started to say that the biggest of those was my hysterectomy... but then thought better. Physically, yes, that has been a huge change. As far as a change in *me*, possibly yes, possibly no. I do think my anxiety lessened with the reduction in pain and, probably, anemia. But I am definitely not defined by my lack of a uterus.

I think the biggest change in *me* has been in my search for a definition for my religion/spirituality. Somewhere in the last few years I finally said the words "I don't consider myself to be a Christian." Despite a mostly Christian upbringing, I found conflict in myself in the worship of a man over other men. Not that Jesus wasn't an amazing teacher... he, like many before him and many since, was one who taught important points about being a good person to the world. But I don't see him as any more a son of God than you or me.

Ok, so I came to this great revelation and really felt the need to figure out what I do believe, if it isn't exactly all of that stuff that I was raised with. My search has lead me away from organized religion... nothing seems to really seem like a good fit for me. A lot of Eastern religious traditions hold a lot of meaning for me, but nothing from one in general. I have truly come to believe that the spirit... God if you will... is in all of us and around all of us. I have been trying to learn to meditate in order to find a more pure contact with that spirit inside of me... I don't do it well, but I'm working at it.

And as my corner of the world verges on springtime, I like to think of waking up from a hibernation. Every day I am trying to look for the beauty and meaning in the things around me, even in those things that might not normally be sources of positivity. And in this way, I strengthen the energy inside of me and send it back to the world in the most positive way that I can. Again, I'm not perfect... but I'm working on it!!